Break Even
by McChanged
Summary: They’re two opposite magnets, spinning in opposing directions. Sometimes they pull, sometimes they push, and it’s only a matter of time before disaster strikes. In which Rachel learns that happy endings aren't always possible.


I don't know what this is. I take no responsibility for the downfall of _whatever this is._ It's nuts, filled with random moments in their lives that leads to the downfall I call an ending. I needed to get out the _they don't end up together_ scenario in my head, because I didn't do it in Lives of Illusion and Life and Times of the Emotionally Screwed is still being pieced together. Review please.

Disclaimer: Don't own.

* * *

It starts at her front door sophomore year. He's standing there looking _oh so_ desperate, and there's a white shirt stained red in her closet, and her finger twitches around the doorknob. She _couldshouldwould_ slam the door in his face, but here's the thing: she's always had a thing for lost causes.

So she fakes another smile, invites him in, and tutors him in English for the next two weeks. He doesn't talk to her at school, but she stops have to pre-soak her clothes and maybe, just _maybe_, he isn't _that_ bad of a guy. On Monday of the third week, he throws a blue slushie at her, and damn him for losing his heart. (But mostly _damn her_, for thinking he could care.)

-0-

Their wedding is all white lace and red roses, because she may not be pure but Rachel Berry is a hell of an actress. Quinn's, ironically, her maid of honor. She helps Rachel step into the gown she spent four months finding, and when she turns to the mirror the former Queen brushes away a tear. (It might be because of how stunning she looks, probably not, but no one will say any different.)

Glee's there.

Finn with a ring identical to Quinn's, and Tina would be there if she wasn't six feet under. Life's a bitch, but so is she, so Rachel Berry takes a deep breath, and walks toward a future she always thought she wanted.

Four years later, and life isn't just a bitch, it's a heart breaker.

Dad has an affair two years to the day of their fifth anniversary, and while she stands in her old kitchen she swears to herself she'll never be that heartless.

But four months later, there's a blond hair on Puck's shirt and a pair of earrings in her bottom drawer beneath a mass pile of pantyhose. It won't be the first promise she breaks to herself. (It also won't be the last.)

Sometimes she accidently forgets her ring by the sink, and sometimes he comes home smelling like lavender, and wasn't this supposed to be _forever._

-0-

When she was eight, there was this fairytale. It had a prince, and a princess, and tragedy wasn't a word in the dictionary. She used to close her eyes at night and pray that someday her life would turn out like that. (Except that her voice is _so _much better than that bitch Cinderella's, and that means she'll be fulfill the fairytale much better than her.)

She still believes it when she gets to high school, and all the way up until the first day of junior year. Then she forgets about it, because Puck's dad left a note on his fridge, and Finn's dad died. Quinn fell down the stairs and lost a life, Tina slit her wrists, and Brittany pulls a Blair Waldorf and sticks her finger down her throat on an hourly basis.

They're all so irrevocably screwed, and it only makes sense that she marries the most damaged of them all.

She's learns how to crawl, walk, and talk all before the age of two. Singing is natural by four, and dancing by four and a half. Picking the pieces of her shattered life up off the floor, well that's something that she never quite gets down. (It becomes second nature to Puck, though, back when she still believed in fairytales and true love.)

They're two opposite magnets, spinning in opposing directions. Sometimes they pull, sometimes they push, and it's only a matter of time before disaster strikes. And when it finally does, they won't be able to shove in under the rug and forget about it.

Halfway into their junior year, she ends up on her back in the bed of Noah's truck and she's like _what the hell_, but then he presses a kiss to her collarbone and she doesn't think much after that.

(Losing her virginity was always on the checklist she keeps in the bottom of her purse, and _this_ would make a hell of a cover story when she's famous.)

She promises she won't fall for him but, still, sometimes he looks at her, his voice deep like a dryer on tumble, and she can picture her future spread out in front of her.

She calls him Noah, because the guy who will steal half a dozen flowers from the houses he works at, or the guy who kisses her forehead and asks _are you sure,_ is much too different from the guy that gets a _nice work Puckerman_ while he's scribbling _whore _on her locker.

-0-

Six years into their marriage, and they have a game. It goes like this: Rachel finds a blond hair, or Puck finds a pressed flower, and all bets are off. He throws words that mimic her high school years, words like _whore _or _bitch_ and she pretends to be hurt. (But honestly, she stopped feeling anything years ago.)

There's always pause, and then she mumbles something. Something that sounds a lot like _why do we continue to hurt each other_ in her head, but is phrased more like _when did you become your dad._

They don't speak for days, and then one of them gives, because being alone is worse than being miserable together. (Besides Puck's always wanted to prove everybody wrong, and if Noah Puckerman is anything, it's persistent.)

-0-

She knows his reputation, knows the numerous 'notches on his bedpost' so to speak. He's got a _bang 'em and leave 'em_ type of philosophy, and she is by no means jealous, it just- rubs her the wrong way.

Two months into this _thing_, and she finally understands. There are scars. Tiny, blink-and-you'll-miss-them scars and because she's Rachel Berry and doesn't believe in words like _subtly_, she traces one with her index finger. He flinches and goes to pull away, and it just _clicks_.

Noah Puckerman is undeniably, irreversibly, tragically _broken._

(She adds another word to her vocabulary, but still traces the one on his shoulder.)

-0-

When she's nineteen, her vocal chords paralyze. The doctors tell her it was caused by a viral infection, that they should heal on their own, that everything will be fine.

They don't and it's not.

So she screws Finn in the backseat of his car.

Noah refuses to speak to her, and Quinn's car is in his driveway everyday for three weeks. But he shows up on a Monday with a grape slushie and forgiveness on his hands.

(Later she finds out that Quinn told him she loved him, and even Noah Puckerman isn't cruel enough to shatter the queen of hearts.)

-0-

Divorce papers are signed, bags are packed, and when it's all over, they stand in the middle of an empty house and listen to the memories echoing through the halls.


End file.
